The one thing that got me started writing ‘Loyalty for ever’ was a bit of a situation. In many ways I can relate to that situation being very similar to the situation I am in at the moment. Something pushed me a bit into a corner, and the outcome was me being kind of in a position where I had to do something, I am sure there is a meaning with it in the bigger picture, and that’s how I sometimes find myself, in a position where I have to do something rather than just let it flow. So maybe that’s where the roads are being mapped out for me leading me towards something. And it pushed me further away down the path, that now seems so obvious to be the right way to go. It was the start of something new. And it mattered to me. It made a difference to me, and it made me try to make a difference too. It’s been going on since, and while it’s been going on it’s been getting to points and terms with me during the way. And now, I am writing the follow up in the trilogy, it seems like the concepts are affecting me clearer again. All I thought about when I started to write it was, how would this city be if only being nice were an option? And it really came to me, how all things throughout in a society would be nicer if we only were kind. My idea was to bring the story into a better world. Maybe where being there for each other made sense and where being nice made a difference. I wanted to make somebody happy.
So that’s what I am currently trying to do, bring continuity in to the new era in the trilogy with that line. I can for sure say that my world in real life, would have been a lot different if kindness would have been more of a general lead, and it would have been a lot different if I had been writing about something else. So it did actually already make a difference; it made my world a better place.
Today I spent the day preparing for… I’ll tell you in a while sometime maybe, but a lot of my focus goes to this at the moment. So I had to close some chapters with both feelings of joy and I guess being a bit happy of myself and the person I am and decide to be. So as I am eager to fulfill commitments to the points, I can honestly say that I run my business correctly at all times. I am going to remember this period that I left behind with happiness in many ways, I learned a lot, I worked my absolut but off to make it work and it gave me confidence that I could do something good enough. So the day brought closure and a wish of being strong enough to build things up business wise again within other branches and industries. Hopefully the drive of making it work and the feeling it brings with making real own hardcore economy from your own creativity and ideas brings things our way again. It all started with the concept of creative economy a long time ago. And it has got to continue somehow.
So the feeling of closure is kind of great with all memories and pictures transforming into my world bringing me room for what’s new to come my way, so it seems like a bit of yesterdays news transforming into tomorrows headlines, being the same thing in a way, they just changed place to continue.
Strange sometimes how everything make sense after a while, that’s where I am at, at the moment. Waiting for something to clarify to make sense. I am absolutely certain there is a meaning with everything, sometimes I really wonder thought and have to think a lot for things to make sense, but it usually comes around in some way after a while anyway.
This story I am currently writing seems to get to be made out of beginnings al way through. I think the whole manuscript as it stands is just a mix out of pieces that was thought to be the beginning. So it came to me in the way that an introduction was a beginning that turned into a new piece to start the story, that spun away a bit with the story to begin after the introduction was the beginning and so on and on. So as it stands, it’s a lot of beginnings. Oh girl, I thought to myself, how am I really doing this? And I have to say I still wonder but I let the story lead it self kind of ways.
So this beginning that I had written just today was a new idea that I had to build into the story that became a new layer mixed in with the beginning; I mean what to say?
Spent the day working all the day, seen a lot of flowers coming up for spring so that’s kind of a sign things are going the right direction. Looking forward to sumer coming, it’s been a while… We shall have to wait and see where it brings us this year. Last sumer was dedicated to Essex coastline. It would be nice with some form of boating holiday maybe. A lot in the bucket list for sure so we have to figure it out. It’s better to have it all set so when sumer comes it’s all booked and written in lists so it’s just to do it, I think. That’s my strategy to get things done anyway.
Other than that just earthly sures. Lot’s of should’s and undirected expectations at the moment and lots of various pressure, aaaaaaa, but sometimes ignoring things can really solve situations. So until I am sure of how I want things, I just have to ignore it since I am so uncertain of what to do until I figured it out, It kind of gets better like that, obviously… So that’s what I am doing.
Laying low just waiting for all this work to get me to places while working I guess. Sometimes it’s a hole or an opposite; like a pile of it.
I was wondering something about who I really am for a while when I was driving today. So funny, I thought,, since I really should have that figured out by now. The conclusion was kind of unexotic I guess, I am just me, being me.
Trying to make every day matter and count so while wasting time sitting here trying to write, I am trying to work on myself a bit, getting to terms with myself and make me better and my world matter, hopefully helping someone on the way as well. I believe in perfect, and I aim for better ways all the time, maybe I am an upgrade searcher, but all I want to be is perfect in every aspect of my life. So I can be myself without ever wondering if I could have done something better, or could I have been clearer in my communication. And the good thing is there is a day one. I just do my best at all times and analyze the situations that occur to perfect my ways for coming ones. Being a better me. It was a New Years resolution many years ago but it started with just that, day one. It made me feel better about mistakes and made me stand above it and become a better me from experience.
Sometimes reality is cluttering the space around me. Like people or news or society in general. That’s great, but sometimes I need to get that out of my way to have a clear road in front of me. Clear signals. So that’s maybe when solutions to random shit comes in the way of being more prioritized than me and my inner circles well beings, what matters the most? I ask myself, and that’s maybe when I realize I should have spent the time wiser with working on myself to handle those situations as a better me.
So at the moment I just need a perfect day, with music, (Duran Duran -perfect day might work) outsounding the general BS to feel as a better being.
The weekend started great with a lot to do. The cat just had kittens about a week ago, my daughter is so happy, and we went to the stables Friday evening to get the weekend started. So it’s a happy girl getting names for all the kittens 🙂
Today we are just hanging out arranging my daughters room getting things to the recycle centre and packing clothes and stuff to charity making more room for new ones while sneak peaking at the kittens. So we are having a happy weekend. Also to go for the weekend is a bit of work and continue to write a letter to a friend. How amazing it can be to actually write letters, it’s a great feeling, we are so used to all this digital world with all emails and technology (that I also like) but sometimes it’s a good feeling with real things, like an ‘antique’ style letter. So hopefully that enlightens the day when it’s getting there.
Other than that recharging myself is on top of the list, doing a half detox cure, waiting for spring with a bit more energy to come hopefully and keeping a look out at the housing markets dreaming away with how I want to build the house I have in mind, and wondering how Brexit will affect our reality. I guess riding it out is our strategy, wait and see. Since we have been spending a decent amount of time in England we are trying to be updated about the situation and remain cool calm and collected about it. I guess it all clears out in a while anyway.
So the conclusion have to be; it’s so nice with weekends.
Seems like my super thing to do at the moment is letting time fly. Have to say cleaning the flat / apartment definitely ticks in for that box. While waiting for better things to happen I sometimes wonder; is wasting time really possible? I mean if everything has a meaning this waiting is meant for a function, preparing you for something, smoothing the way, building up to something that looking forward to happen…. So it all make sense anyway right. I find inspiration, I am trying to build solid stories and lines in my writings, so it all comes towards something, it sometimes is a process of breathing in to be able to breath out.
I am trying to pack the flat wisely since I decided to get a writers den. So while saving up for getting away and actually do it, I organized the flat to make sure it happens.
So waiting for spring to come again while doing all that and dreaming away and trying to fit a bit of more room in for writing. (Am so stuck in the story by the way, so it’s probably a week of work to just get the story going in a straight line at the moment) ( kind of a project). But doable especially in a writers den. Looking forward to be on the road with that.
So while waiting for something, undefined what, to happen, I am so looking forward to see spring again, makes me happy just by the thought of it
Decluttering the flat/apartment is on top of the list today. OMG how often do you really need to get the waste out and fix the floors? Since I am used to having a maid and now am without one I am amazed to see what difference it makes, especially time wise. So that’s my tip of the day, get a maid to get things done and prioritize time wiser.
Sometimes the pressure to keep doing what to do is more intense than the actual place one is at. I mean in clarity, the presence is held in smog a little bit and the urge to move away is more intense just from running away rather than to choose what to run towards. I try to find clarity and courage to face the truth in presence and to make good decisions based on that, since I like perfect I am trying to bring perfect to every aspect in our way.